Funniest Bedtime Quotes From Children

funny children quotes

Inventive kids at bedtime

Our bedtime routine became quite ridiculous lately, because Bobcat started to object to going to bed. He’d much rather be playing with his dog or toys, reading just one more book, go for yet another trip to the toilet, have some more water, have some more milk (he hasn’t had milk at bedtime since he turned two), call us just to say good night again, you get the picture. At nearly four years of age, he realised that he doesn’t want to go to sleep in the evenings, because it’s boring. As much as these excuses can be funny, they can get a very tiring too, especially when he keeps repeating something over and over again, for 10-15 minutes straight.

He started to come up with brilliantly funny excuses too, to delay bedtime, like as above: “but I’m bored”. How do you respond to that? Well, of course, close your eyes and think about Thomas the tank engine or something. He came up with something new and truly hilarious every other night, so I started to jot them down.

“….but I’m Thomas, I need to sleep in a shed!”

“….but I can’t sleep, because I’m a bat!”

“….mummy, I’ve hurt my tooth, can you kiss it better?”

“….but my head is talking to me!”

“….but it’s already tomorrow, mummy!”

Bedtime excuse Nr. 47

And so on. So I thought, it would be a fun to ask some of my blogging buddies – many with small children – if they have any hilarious stories to add and they didn’t disappoint.

Here are some of the best excuses:

“I’m too tired to go to bed.”

That I hear quite often. Says Pete But I’m with the kid on this one: I can hear ya, buddy. Chances are, your parents as well.

“The dog is breathing to noisily.”

Says Sara. Who probably has a light sleeper on her hands.

“But my teddy isn’t ready for bed yet!”

Beth’s little one has a great excuse blaming her cuddly toy.

Bedtime excuse Nr. 67

“My 21 months old has learnt that if she says ‘bum’ and nods when asked if she had done a poo she will get a free trip into the front room.”

That’s Sarah’s little person. They are never too young to work out what motivates parents.

“My eyes are too open!”

Lianne’s telling me. She’s quite clever for her four years, the ball is in your court, mummy.

“My eyebrow hurts.”

Says Collette, and I know, the pain is real.

My daughter was standing in her cotbed so I told her to lie down and sleep. She closes her eyes, starts marching and says: “Mummy, but I’m sleep walking”

From Irina – that’s very clever! Such an obvious answer when pretending to be asleep.

Minime is 4 and Granny stays with him until he falls asleep and I will not and I was told last week by a very serious little man… “you are damaging me mummy”

Sarah’s little one. This has to be my favourite.

Bedtime excuse Nr. 72

“I’m too little mummy. I can’t do it.”

Lisa’s almost 3’s answer to any others days. Too adorable.

My son when he was younger told me he couldn’t sleep because everything was black when his eyes are closed!

Says Jen and I think I also had a similar excuse too.

“My mouth just won’t stop talking!”

From Laura. What a surprise!

Tonight my husband was doing bedtimes. Our 3 year old son, Cohen wanted to sleep with me. We told him that he had to go in his own bed. He started crying and said “I can’t sleep in my own bed, Mummy needs me!”

Claire tells me. This is just as innocent and adorable as funny. Good try.

Bedtime Excuse Nr. 23

“But Moon won’t have anyone to talk too.”

Another excellent try, shared by Sinead

My little boy started complaining his papercut was hurting, one he’d had 4 months ago!

By Jennie. All these serious pains. Eyebrows, hair, paper cut from four months ago.

“But why?”

And finally, the ultimate response to nearly everything from a small child by Veronica. Try to answer that, and you’ll be hit by another one and it will go on till the end of the times.

Do you have any funny bedtime quotes to share with us?

Bedtime excuse Nr. 43

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Briony January 25, 2018 - 3:08 pm

My favourite for L has said so far is that he can’t possibly go to bed because then he will fall asleep. That’s exactly what we want to happen!!! #stayclassymama

Nursery Whines January 26, 2018 - 9:58 am

This is great. Good to laugh at a topic that can be so exhausting when you can’t wait to get away and have an evening to relax. The, ‘My head keeps talking to me,’ one has to be the best. Such profundity from one so small. #StayClassyMama

Sarah January 26, 2018 - 10:13 am

Thank you for Including us! All these are just so funny!! xx

Wave to Mummy January 26, 2018 - 10:17 am

Very funny these ones:D

Colette January 26, 2018 - 9:54 pm

I think “My head is talking to me” is my favourite. I know how he feels.

Tracy Albiero January 27, 2018 - 10:49 pm

The paper cut on made me chuckle! Suddenly before bed every ailment in the book comes out.

Tracy Albiero January 27, 2018 - 10:50 pm

The paper cut on made me chuckle! Suddenly before bed every ailment in the book comes out. #thesatsesh

Alicia Owen January 28, 2018 - 1:30 pm

I’m surprised my 5 year old has never used the “But my mouth won’t stop talking” excuse…or my 2 year old, for that matter!

“But my head is talking to me!” Ugh. Story of MY life, kid!

Lu Lovely January 28, 2018 - 6:44 pm

These are so cute!
My children are older now, so they all take themselves off to bed, but they did used to get extremely chatty around bedtime and decide it was always the perfect time to tell me every single thing that had happened to them that day.

Hayley @ Mission: Mindfulness January 28, 2018 - 9:42 pm

These are hilarious! I love the ones about the head talking and also the mouth not stopping talking! Kids say the funniest things and are also super clever! #thesatsesh xx

Karen, the next best thing to mummy January 29, 2018 - 10:25 am

How wonderful, I have written a similar post, on the jokes that children come up with #famikyfub@_karendennis

Hayley @ Mission: Mindfulness January 29, 2018 - 10:31 am

Ha ha ha – how funny to get sandwiched between your lovely posts – popping back for #thefamilyfunlinky – these do make me chuckle! xx

Katelynn| January 30, 2018 - 3:16 am

This is great. My Sweet Girl figured out if she asks for more “prayers, pease”, it delays the inevitable. Hard to say no to that one!

Pat - White Camellias January 31, 2018 - 2:32 pm

This is so funny! My kids are also the king and queen of bedtime excuses 🙂 Thank you for sharing with #StayCLassyMama

#StayClassyMama 90 - White Camellias February 1, 2018 - 6:56 am

[…] week is from Captain Bobcat with Funniest bedtime quotes from children I just couldn’t stop laughing and nodding along. Kids are just so good at […]

Sarah Stockley February 1, 2018 - 11:35 am

Kids are so inventive – any excuse to not go to bed…. Sarah #FabFridayPost

Kristie Prada February 1, 2018 - 9:06 pm

These are so cute! I love the ‘I want to sleep in the shed’ one. I think sleeping in the shed is not a bad idea. I may actually get more sleep there! LOL! #coolmumclub

MMT February 1, 2018 - 10:10 pm

Oh so funny – kids will try anything for one more cuddle won’t they?!

Thanks for linking to #coolmumclub

Tammymum February 3, 2018 - 1:43 pm

Haha some of these are great. We get a lot of ‘my arms hurting’ ‘my hairs hurting’. Right ok… I once had my eyes hurt Mummy to which I replied, close them then and they won’t hurt! Seemed to work. Thanks for joining us at #familyfun

Crummy Mummy February 4, 2018 - 9:26 pm

Tonight we’ve had ‘I can’t sleep in my bed because my legs are tired!’ #familyfunlinky

Nicole - Tales from Mamaville February 5, 2018 - 4:51 pm

Hahahaha, read this post thrice and laughed out loud each time! The answers these little monsters come up with – amazing isn’t it?!


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